glad no one reads this one anymore....I hurt so bad right now I can't even begin to feel it, I'm numb, sick to my stomach, there's an empty hollow in my chest right now....I'll be attempting to work the rest of today.....now I understand why people drink heavily......its to numb this feeling
You can take a spark of inspiration and turn it into a full fledged concept.
You are talented at brainstorming, visualizing, organizing, and independent thinking.
You should major in:
Natural sciences
Engineering
Computer science
Creative writing
Math
Architecture
Journalism
Allright I'm mulling over a topic for my next post. It's gonna be about politics and church...so it'll probably step on a few toes, but when have I ever let that stop me? Keep an eye out....the update will probably come this week. :D -Ferris
:D Back to school for another year....this will be my fifth year of college hopefully out of just 6. Its odd this year evokes both happiness and melancholy. Happy to back to be learning to see friends and to be just somewhere in a new situation. The melancholy comes from having a good friend overseas for the semester, having two of my very dearest friends graduate and move into the real world and for some reason missing those two brings back all of the dear friends I've left along the way. Such is life though. I live with joy in the moment though because I can claim for hard fact that my Creator loves me and has in his perfect will a plan for me that brings him glory. I'm learning slowly to live my life focused on that. It makes little things like missing people seem much smaller and in Him there is always the knowledge that a goodbye is in eternal terms more of a "see you tommorrow". Its time to leave for my one and only friday class...woo!! for good schedule planning. God bless you all! Coming from a good breakfast and a joy in my soul. -Ferris :D
1:15pm Lunch was good. NOt much going on aside form hiding from my mother cause she's stressed and its a recipe for getting yelled at to be around. Good news jsut before I left that the repairs to my newers cars AC are gonna be about a third of what the former owners said. The dealership lied to their faces and told them that the compressor and hose was bad for a total of 1200 dollars. But the guy from my church that I go to for car repairs says its a control rod in the dash and when they switched it with a temp it cooled down jsut fine. so 400 dollars for total repair. Tricking poor people like that makes me really pissed. I mean how could you run a business where you lie to the customers face to screw them over. Pisses me off......anyways since the car will be in for 4 or 5 days it means that almsot 100% for certain I willl be taking the pickup truck to Amarillo and San Antonio which means 3 good sized people in a small truck for about 750 miles.....at least I'll get to sit next to the cute girl...but man alive its gonna be cramped. Maybe I should think of that as a benefit. Anywho thats about all that I'm thinking right now. See ya'll around an hour. -God Bless, Ferris :D
2:45 pm Yo slow afternoon although the drafting is going well I've almost got the foundation laid out the way I want it but I have to figure out how to cut a large chunk out of this concrete and its giving me fits. Just now bossman came in and gave me another project I ahve to buy two pumps for this tank project gotta go hunting through the catalogs for the right pumps.....its rather satisfying cause I'm actually using something I learned in college...crazy thought....I was thinking for a bit about posting some things I'd been thinking about women in my life, but I think they'd cause too much of a stir for the moment....I'll talk about my story and my QT habits later. Gotta get back to slogging through the jobs. -God Bless, Ferris :D (mocking you for no good reason since 1983)
3:35pm Allright last post and much to speak of. Talking to my boss about pumps. He's looking at pumps on ebay and floored by the sheer number of them. So I'm back here continuing to do design work. Allright so I said I'd tlak about my story and quiet time habits. Story first....I go running every morning at 5:45 am or so and during the run I've been working on a story in my head. It ain't much right now since none of it is on paper, but I'm thinking I could probably activate my computers voice software and talktype it for a few minutes everyday during school and have a manuscript by the end of the year. It's a good story too...its set post apocaplypse and is more or less a "Christian" story. I make no claims of being a good writer or anything but I'm pretty good at crafting stories. I think most people would enjoy it....but then again I could jsut be being arrogant and pridefully blinded....but maybe not. The quiet time is a better story right now anyways, since if I told you too much about the story you may never go buy it if it gets published :wink: So anyways I've never been a big fan of preachers and teachers who tlaked aobut "needing" a quiet time....it always seemed very legalistic and while I didn't debate the value of a quiet time I debated the idea that everyone needed them. I jsut studied and prayed when I felt like it, but not on any schedule. Well I went to visit A&A in amarillo(friends, married, small apartment) and one morning I woke up and sleeping on the floor in the living room I was too sleepy still to go running yet and didn't want to go back to sleep and I couldn't move around much because Ana(the wife)'s best friend was sleeping on the couch bed across the room and she's an incredibly light sleeper and I didn't want to wake her. So I sat there crosslegged and didn't know what else to do so I started to pray and about 20 minutes later when I felt done and ready to move I grabbed my Bible and did the "daily proverb" study and then a psalm and then a story from the gospels....it was the birth of a habit.....every day since then I ahven't missed or forgotten I look forward to it and I get to pray for all my friends and things to boot. Not only that but I've seen no less than 3 prayers answered in ways that let me know that God wanted me to know aobut them...its been incredible. I know some people out there will say things like I couldn't remember to do it every morning or its not for me or how do you do it....and its pretty simple I force myself to realize that if I can get up every morning early early to go run, then surely I can get up early early early and start my day off right....the discipline is the same just towards a different subject. Its been a great thing I'm glad I've passed the point of habit forming so I can continue to do it even as school starts. Its gonna be a good school year I think. Well I think thats all for now. I can't think any more....my brain is overloading after this day of work. Soon it will be tiem to go home and face my mother and an evening of party stuff.....wonderful.....but I'll face it with a smile! WOO! this weekend is gonna rock!!! :D :D :D God Bless you and keep you may his face shine upon you until our next meeting. - Ferris (coming from another ordinary day) :D 8)
:D Short update to be typed inbetween working thorughout today. There's a lot I want to tlak about. Tons going on. Tons not going on.
9:05 am Coffee Time. Little Sister Laura is engaged now. Her fiance is Josh, good guy but a bit under motivated. I like him though he is good for her and vice versa. I've got tons of things going on outside of work and its hard to concentrate. School is coming up quick, I still have no money, I have a car but it don't work right yet, I haven't sold my old car yet. My friend Adam's surgery went well, he'll be laid up for a few weeks at least,so I'm praying for him cause he and his wife are expecting in January and don't qualify for medicare for baby costs. I'm gonna go visit them this ocming week and I'm pretty excited. Work is fun stuff again instead of sweltering in the August heat.....always nice.....thats it for right now....I'm gonna try and do this little "stream of conciousness" thing for the rest of the day.....maybe every hour or so....we'll see :D - God Bless...Ferris :D
10:15 am Back again. Work picked up for a little bit and then backed off again. Finished a draft for a tank layout......8000 gallons of vegetable oil......I'm sleepy stayed up too late playing video games and avoiding doing my correspondence work. It so stupid....my parents figured that I had all this free time in the evenings for doing a correspondence class and instead it turned out like I said I have no time in the evenings because I come home from work brain dead and can't think of my name much less an obscure court decision from 1823. Now some may sya that if I focused I could get it done. I tried this for 2 weeks in that two weeks of focusing and really working I ALMOST finished one lesson. So now instead of jsut finishing a summer out without incident I get to go back to my horrible class schedule with a 1/6th finished political science class to do before december.....bleh. I wont' complain to much it ain't worth it cause now I can't change anything it jsut has to happen. Yeah for those of you who know me I'm selling my little beetle. I'm gonna miss her. She was a good car. Victoria Celas was her name (its a long story) she earned it and deserved it, but her mileage was too high and I needed a car that is sure to get me back and forth from Tech for a few more years. I took the MCAT in april waited till june and got my scores. I didn't study for this one...I wanted to see how I could do with no practice just going in completely blind. I scored a 33Q which puts me in the 89-92 percentile. Extremely cool for not studying which means now I have all of my advisors and family asking me about med school....not really what I was shooting for....but maybe it means I can get some extra loan money or something....I dunno....back to work for now....this blogging style is not bad....I'm getting more of whats on my mind down than usual.....we'll see where it takes us later -God Bless, Ferris :D
11:25 am Back to busy for a bit. My boss keeps changing his mind about how the tank layout should look. He's got this thing where no matter what the design it needs to look exaclty like how he sees it in his head. NO big deal really I mean he is the boss and I get paid no matter what I'm doing....but good grief 4 revisions in an hour? Total revisions too not jsut little changes....its like he's sacraficing red pens over my drafts...Anyways not important to.....Crap...boss jsut walked in and triple complicated the project.....well there goes the rest of my summer....now he needs full P&I's, plu foundation drawings, the layout, pipe racks, controls and the set up for the day tank....darn it....I was enjoying my biodiesel work too...Ah well sundays coming and with it a long road trip, a cute girl, one of my best friends, then the other one of my best friends and his wife....man its gonna be great....boy I'm hungry.....I wish lunch came faster...only since my mother is stressed right now theres been no bread for two days....so its leftovers if there are any....but tonight since my British missionary friends family is leaving thursday mom is cooking them a traditional thanksgiving dinner which means stuffing. I LOVE STUFFING. Then at 7 my little sisters engagement party starts....that'll be come and go till 9.....which is allright cause I'll jsut go hide in my upstairs apartment thing....but that'd be antisocial....so I'll jsut eat all of the hordeuveuvres and call it a night. Well I'm not thinking aobut much except for lunch right now and this load of project that just got dumped on me.....but I'll end this for now and start a new post after lunch.....this update thing didn't work so well for this entry....but really well for the first two.....I guess I jsut can't type what I'm thinking fast enough....remind me to mention my quiet time habits and my story in my head habits this afternoon God Bless ahve some good lunch! - Ferris :D
:D soon as I get a chance I'll give a mid summer update......its been quite a ride the last 3 months....sorry for anyone who reads this and gets nothing new for so long......many apologies....but pretty much I can sum the last 3 months up as about 6 emoticons :shock: :shock: :D :x 8) 8)
Well folks, as much as you may not like it. I'm back :D
And I've decided to make this monthly blog rather serious and heavy. I apologize but there won't be much of a personal update, but suffice to say I'm so busy that I'm close to breakdown, but not close enough. So here we go.
After more subconcious thought than I realized(I didn't even know that I was thinking about it) I have made my final decision in regards to evolution and Christianity. The decision is this on both theological and scientific grounds there can be NO peace between evolution and Christianity. And I can see you faces now. I can see you preparing to ignore the rest of this post. Shuffling me aside along with the hundreds of other mindless Christian sheep who work with beliefs built on blind faith and no source. Let me reassure you that I am not one of those people. I am a science and engineering major. My mindset is inherently set against the phrase "thats just the way it is" I cannot accept this as an explanation for why anything works much less something as important as whether I am a blob of chemical reactions for the purpose of procreating DNA or whether I am a special creation made in the image of a transcendent creator. I ahve spent the better part of my entire education studying research, reading books and listening to arguements on both sides of the issue from science and from theology. I will defend my decision in a very short form seperately in the rest of this blog.
Evolution from a scientific perspective reached its peak in the mid to late 1950's with the Miller/Urey experiment that showed that electricity witht eh right atmosphere could create amino acids which are referred to as "the building blocks of life". This experiment sent a shockwave through the scientific community as it was seen as proof that there was a way that life could arise from non-living manner. However even with the major jolt of energy that was put into the modern evolutionary movement at that point the science reached a plateau around that time and when the biochemical, structural and genetic components of the cell began to be examined the science began to decline. Instead of life getting simpler as scientists moved towards "simpler, older" organisms they found the opposite in fact many of the "Archaebacteria"(thought to be the oldest forms of life) were in fact much more complicated than other more "advanced" organisms. In fact as research came in increasingly that the chemical reactions at a cellular level required a level of sophistication that could not possibly have evolved via a Darwinian method, if became more and more obvious that instead of science (which is empirical testing and hypothesying from the gathered evidence) had been replaced with a philosophy known as "naturalism". Naturalism is a belief system, NOT science. It declares that everything has a natural explanation, it assumes this from the beginning of every experiment and every archeological dig. This means that instead of following where the evidence leads they instead make a hypothesis before they even look at the data and interpret the data to best fit their predefined idea of what the outcome should be. This is poor science at best and unethical hypocrisy at worst. The publishing of "Darwin's Black Box" by Michael Behe who is not a creationist nor at the time associated with anything other than mainstream scientific culture used his studies in biochemistry and Darwin's own statements about the theory of evolution and the requirements for its ultimate failure, he proposed the idea of an "irreducibly complex" system. An irreducibly complex system is a system in which at a fundamental level cannot be simplified any further without loss of function. If any one part is missing the system is nonfunctional and useless. Since there is no way to develop an irreducibly complex system through a series of small changes to a different system or adding small parts to a new system, it proves that an irreducibly complex system CANNOT develop from darwinian methods. This may sound simplistic but in each and every cell in your bodies there are multiple trillions of examples of this at work. DNA base pair production is a multiprotein complex that has hundreds of neccessary proteins and chemicals to function properly. The production of ATP(which is the energy source for every cell in your body) requires a protein complex with over 40 proteins in jsut the main protein not counting the associated proteins or chemicals. These systems are everywhere and utterly inexplicable by any naturalistic means. There is a growing movement in mainstream science to split science and naturalism. To let the data speak for itself and accept whatever answer it points to....even if that is Design. As a student of Biochemistry and an avid reader I have analyzed the research, the theories, the hypothesis and the results for myself and I know that there is NO other explanation for life on this planet except Design by a Designer who is a far better scientist and far better engineer than I could ever hope to be. For any of you at TTU who read this and are irritated or agitated, contact me and I'll be more than willing to sit down and talk through your objections.
Now for the harder part. Theologically evolution is NOT a viable belief for a Christian. First off evolution does not regardless of what you have been told, "leave room for God" . Evolution in the scientific community is a naturalistic discipline. God is not only not an answer but any explanation that includes him is immeadiately thought to be wrong no matter how telling the data. Secondly, the "day-age" theory that God used evolution as the means for creation and therfore there is no arguement between Christians and evolution. There are multiple reasons why this is not viable. First the idea that the days in Genesis are in reality "ages" long periods of time in which evolution occured is simpleminded. The word used for "day" in thsoe verses is used ONLY for day meaning one sunrise to one sunset never for a period of time much less an epoch or two. Second problem with day age theory is that at some point in history God had to put his spirit into some hominids to create mankind, not only does this not show anywhere in Genesis, but is in direct opposition to the account of human creation in Genesis. Thirdly the day age theory leaves no room for sin. If evoltuion wa the means to creation it means that when God says "It is Good" He would be speaking of a world created upon the bodies of untold trillions of animals and millions of hominids to create man. The Bible says that death entered the world with Adam's sin not beforehand. This means that unless something very strange is going on then all those animals died when ti was not possible for them to die, maybe they jsut hung around for a few billion years until the hominid named adam ate an apple that he wasn't supposed to and then they all died at once. Sarcasm aside this whole arguement can be summed up in one simple way. Is God a liar or not? Is the Bible written by people who heard from God over 2000 years or is it jsut a complitation of stories from 2000 years allegory and tall tales? The question breaks down to either Genesis tells the story of creation like it happened or it doesn't. And since the Genesis account is completely at odds with modern evoltuionary theory it comes to you either believe that evolution is true and Genesis is a liar or evolution is a lie and Genesis is truth. Notwithstanding the fact that the Bible says "Let God be true and every man a liar", you can also tie in the fact that for a Christian their entire SALVATION rests on the idea that the Bible is in fact the unedited truth. Our salvation rests on Jesus being God jsut like the Bible says, it rests on him dying and rising again, just like the Bible says. So if the Bible is lying about Genesis and even though its a lie says "All scripture is God-breathed and suitable for everything." Then what can convince you that the stories of Jesus aren't lies as well? What reason is there to believe that Jesus wasn't jsut allegory that he really was just a rabbi from a nondescript town 2000 years ago. The whole issue of the Christians faith rests on the authenticity of the Bible, including everything from cover to cover. To throw away the beginning because a group of biased atheists tell you it can't be true is not only foolish but mistrusting of God. God is the Creator of everything. He did it the way he said he did. After Adam and Eve screwed up He made a plan to redeem his creation. He sent his son to die for us to save us. He is coming back for us one of these days (hopefully sooner rather than later) and He will fix all of the things that are wrong and set up a kingdom and creation that will be incorruptible and unending. Evolution is as incompatible with Christianity as oil and water. It shows one of two things in a Christian, lack of trust in God or ignorance. And for those of you who are now pissed enough at me to want to injure me I ask that you first go and do the research, talk to a theology profesor over at Wayland ask him about Biblical authenticity. Talk to someone in the classics department about text authentication, learn that the Bible is more verifiable than any text written before 1700 AD. Being a Christian has NEVER meant giving up your mind. In fact Christians everywhere should be called to a higher development of critical thought and analysis. "Love the Lord your GOD with all your Heart, Soul, MIND and Strength."
Coming from a "finally got that off my chest" - Ferris :D
P.S. for those of you TTU students who want to talk feel free to call or IM or come over. For those of you on Tblog reading this give me a comment and I'll start a private conversation.
:) Hey ya'll its me again time for a monthly update. This isn't going to be long since I'm studying right now for the thrid test I've had this week :shock: And by that last sentence you can kinda guess how things are around here. If schoolwork is a tsunami then I feel like the guy whose farm had a beautiful view of the ocean and I'm in the tallest palm tree watching everything go by underneath me. Its that hectic and whats really bothersome about it is that its only 15 hours of classes. I mena I took 18 hours last semester came out with a high B average and got twice as much sleep and half as much homework. I've got a couple of really nasty professors as far as homework goes....a couple of really bad lecturer's and one who does a decent job but apprently never left pre-school judging by his temper tantrums. Anyways suffice to say that I'm barely keeping my head above water right now....There have been some good days however, this last weekend was great because I got to hang out with Adam, Anastasia and Erin. Adam and Ana have a little apartment in a city north of here and are getting along well as newlyweds jsut a week past their first MONTH anniversery. Erin was great company and great fun on the trip up. So that was good I've gotten several packages in the last few days two with valentine's presents....so the little moments of joy help to dull some of this frustration and trouble. I've decided to cut back on my chemo shots and within the next month stop taking it entirely. I know that my doctor says they work best in conjuction with the other drug, but I just can't live this tired anymore. The fact that its finally starting to make my hair fall out is jsut the dot on the I for my decision. I'm only 21 years old and while I'm not all that bound by my appearance I don't have a lot to work with in the way of looks and since I know from my sophmore year in high school that I look like a complete idiot with no hair I don't want to risk it this soon. The women situation in my life has changed its dynamic again. I think I've decided that for at least the next year I'm gonna avoid thinking about women in any other way than co-workers or friends. There is too much at stake right now for me to try and struggle through school with another broken heart. I've done that before and it was not fun and it really did a number on my health. Just the thought of going through that again makes me sick to my stomach and I'll probably workout for 30 minutes before i go to bed tonight to get rid of all the energy. On a lighter note I finally got back to running. Since I've been sick since mid-december and didn't want to aggravate my illness I forced myself to stop and I've decided that I'm finally well enough to get back to it. As usual after taking an extended break my muscles are weak and my joints and tendons sore, but I felt good all day so I know that I can get back. There is tons going on in my head but to write half of it down would mean no sleep tonight and a very bad grade on my test tommorrow morning niether of which I'm particularly keen on. I apologize but I jsut realized that there is so little structure to this blog that its probably painful to read. crap....I'll go back and format it a little before I leave y'all for this month....there....that should be more legible....and I'm gonna get back to studying and get in bed early tonight to be well rested for tommorrow. God Bless you all if you have any comments POST EM!:D And I'll be seeing y'all around!
Coming from the part of an "almost broken heart" that feels like a punch in the gut and a nervous "before test" twitch - Ferris :D
:D Hello again to all of you in blogland...or tlbog....whatever. anywhoo its a new year and a new semester....much has changed and apparently this has become a once a month blog update. Sorry but for the forseeable future this may be the best schedule I can manage. There is much to tell about the holidays and finals and this new year. For a quick update finals went well. Not unbelievably awesome, but well and I did what I wanted or better in all my classes.....the only depressing part is that if it weren't for my two "sick" semesters I'd be looking at about a 3.75 GPA instead of a 3.03. But all that aside I've added a major and dropped another. So my total is still two and I will graduate now in the Spring of 2006. And for a new twist on the sage of Ferris in school I think I'm headed to medical school afterwards. My hopes and dreams now require an MD and 4 more years of schooling. The rest of the holidays I'll fill you in on later. :D There is much to tell not in the least a wedding, about 2000 miles of driving, a computer fiasco, a budget disaster and a long hard look at my future. But that all must wait util I at least finish this stupid homework that was assigned the first day of class. :evil: I'm really starting to think I must attract grouchy/bad/evil/sadistic professors like a black pair of pants picks up white cat hair. They jsut appear out of nowhere. Anyways.....back to working for me. God Bless! Have Joy! Coming from the all too short side of a three day weekend - Ferris :D
Well if you were hoping for a complete update as to how the intrepid hero of the blog is doing...I'm afraid I'm going to dissappoint. Its getting down to the last few days of the semester and after that finals and after that a very busy holidays at home. There have been sad things, tough things, irritating things, fun things and great things happening but I will relate those later. The current project says I need to get offline and get to work. My computer is down right now so I"m typing in the dreadfully hot downstairs computer lab for now. I'm afraid that this current blog schedule will probably stick around for a while. I've finally finalized a graduation plan and starting next semester I basically will not exist. But I will have some time I just don't know how often I will use that time to blog ;). For all of you out there in Blogger Rreading Land....God Bless ahve a great day, a great week and a great holiday's! Coming from the interesting side of a semester(but not past the hard part yet) - Ferris! :D
:D Feel like reading my blog again? :D I realize its been what? Three, four weeks I'd apologize a little more profusely but as I'm taking 18 hours of engineering classes I figure I shouldn't apologize so much and since this is very theraputic I think it hurts me almsot as much as you. I've actually gotten over 6000 hits on this blog in the last year which really kinda stokes me. Its been an interesting last weekend. THe more I think about it the more seems to ahve been going on. Pathways (the fall Intervarsity retreat) was this weekend and I also had a halloween/christmas/easte r party over at my friends apartment(the whole group is a bit off, but in a good way) :D doesn't sound too busy right? Not on the surface, but things and me have a way of crashing into each other. I've said it before to a friend and my mother when describing the weekend I guess you could call me Israel and not be all that far off.(Israel means "wrestles with God") I spent a majority of the weekend wrestling with God. There's a part of me that wants to type and put down in writing exactly what I'm struggling with here, but theres another part of me saying that it would be nothign but trolling for sympathy or understanding, niether of which I care for right now. I'll tell you that one is the way I handle relationships. And you can all read in to that whatever you want. Aside from wrestling with God over things in my life that He wants me to deal with I also ahd the emotionally taxing weekend. I'm mildly attracted to two women that are around me right now, no biggee I mean I am a 21 year old male in American culture I should be sharking all the time, but for those of you who know my past you'll understand if I'm a bit cautious. Fool me once shame on you, fool my twice shame on me. So at least some of the weekend was spent with either one of these women so on top of all of that wrestling with God I spent a good portion wrestling with myself. :? Lest you think the weekend was nothing but pain and suffering, it was not it was actually incredibly refreshing, spending time in my room doing homework seems to lose its appeal compared to a room full of Christian friends and Jesus :lol: And one of our freshmen got saved this weekend, and considering that it is the first our Fellowship at TTU has had in at least 3 years its quite the celebration, not only is our friend joining the never-ending celebration, but we've turned a corner even as we lose a crop of very vital and important seniors God is already raising up the younger group to take over. I've also got a pretty busy week up and coming. Aside from the normal homework loads and tests, I left my horrendously expensive medicine in the refrigerator at the retreat 3.5 hours away from here, so sometime before friday I have to get it back and on thursday my little brother comes in for the weekend (W00T!!!!) He's a cool kid and its always fun to have him around even if this time around I've got like no monetary resources to go out and have on. I also ahve to spend a while after class to overnight my absentee ballot to the polling place in Longview.....yeah yeah I can see all of you out there going "Look at Ferris procrastinating even on something as important as his ballot" well all of you be quiet :P This time was not my fault I asked for my ballot 2 weeks ago and it took till friday to arrive and I was already at the retreat. Even if I had "voted" friday I still would've had to overnight it to make sure it got to Longview on time. So NYAH! :P So I'm excited about getting to vote for the first time. W00T!!!! GO GEORGE W!!!!! John Kerry sucks!!!!! HEY HAMLET! YOU SUCK!(inside joke many apologies) :D Well I can't think of anything else goin on soon I'm gonna be swamped this week working on a couple fo projects plus the homework and tests, but weekend after this coming one I'm going on a road trip to College Station (home of those who shall forever remain unnamed in this tome of knowledge) but I'm not going to see the football game! My best friend from high school(not the one that lived with me last year) the one who is in the marines and I haven't seen in almsot a year is gonna be visiting a girl who goes to college there and my other best friend and I are roadtripping it down to see him and its gonna be awesome!!!! :D :D :D Well since its getting later in the morning and I need to shower and eat breakfast I guess I'll head out I hope this was enough of an update...I feel better about it so the rest of you should too! :D God Bless all of you!
Coming from the well same feeling as I left last weekend - Ferris :D 8)
Quick post jsut to give you a heads up. I've been thinking about some pretty ehavy stuff tonight and because of that and my possible actions over the next few days to fight those battle I'm gonna ask anyone who read sthis and is a Christian to pray for me. For grace upon me and my friends, wisdom for me, and boldness courage and strength to carry through whatever may happen. Thanks for all your help.
:D I've returned. Its been two weeks into school now and things have settled down to a more or less predictable pattern and since today went so well I felt like sahring the joy and giving my dusty old blog a shakedown and post. So I guess I'll give the summer update. I did TONS this summer worked at my dad's plant the whole time, but I did so many things while I was there. I basically got to build a process from start to finish. And while to some that may not sound like much....even those in engineering.....trust me its huge. THere's tons of details and no matter how well prepared you think you are there is always something you forgot :x So things like the basic plans, the detailed diagrams, the drafts of equipment and tanks that had to be made because they couldn't be bought, the parts and equipment orders, the piping, the vent system, electronic control system all of these things needed to be done and since I was head of the project I had to do them. So I learned tons and stayed cool about half the time. That was most of my summer. Although I took a "weekend plus" vacation to the Wheeler Peak wilderness in New Mexico and drove through France to get there. The mountains were beautiful and except for the almost dying three times :shock: and being stalked by an elk it was a fairly safe trip as well. I did stress myself out pretty bad during the trip a couple of overnight drives and 14 miles with a 40lb. pack but I'm a strong guy and I survived. If nothing else has been taught to me (which is a lie) over the course of my arthritis then this lesson stands tall "Never take for granted the things you can do, be they as simple as walking, or running or hiking, because you don't know how much you'll miss them when you can no longer do them" I definitely rediscovered why I loved scouts and scouting.....theres a place that God speaks to me at the I can't get to anywhere else but on a mountain in the middle of the wilderness. Like Elijah learned...He's not in the mountain or the storm He's that quiet still voice in the back, the one whose words are quiet but filled with the strength to move those mountains and the power to quiet those storms. Being on top of a mountain gives some people a feeling of superiority (or so I hear). I find the opposite.....I think there is no better place to find perspective on how important you are than to stand on a mountain above the treeline and feel jsut how small you really are to look up to the heavens and realize that from space you wouldn't even be a pixel in a picture. And yet for all the utter meaninglessness of an insignificant speck in an infinite universe, God, the one who made it all, things beyond the scope of even my imagination, sent his Son, came Himself because HE wants to hang out with me, to chill at my place, to be my blood brother, and wants me to want to hang with him too. That was around early July and about two weeks later I got a chance to go to Dallas to the AOG church camp that my youth group attends every year, but I was going to see the Youth Leader of the church who has become one of the most precious of all my families. I went expecting to see Mrs.Kim her husband and her daughter and jsut that thought was enough to get me excited. But just because God loves me a friend that I hadn't seen in more than 2 years from that group had filled a last second cancellation and had come along from LAS VEGAS to dallas. I also was encouraged and prophesied over in a task that has been layed before me and It felt to me something like that of a surprise party. A party is a nice thing it shows that people care and love you....a surprise party is that much better, because it takes more planning and more care, but in the end both people in a surprise party benefit and that whole day felt like that. God had spent weeks/months/years preparing this day for me and when it finally came I knew that He cared for me and it felt to me lie He was pleased :). I like it best when my actions and thoughts please Him. I spent a lot of the summer trying to deal with some issues that came up at the end of last year and coming back to school I was dreading the whole time when I was going to have to face them. But the morning that I was going to face them an incredible thought hit me. I thought "I can't handle this, I wanna quit" but something inside me refuses to let me quit for that reason so I thought "Well if I can't handle this and I can't quit....what can I do?" and like a bolt of lighting on a clear day (God speaking) the thought came to my head.."Ask God to help you handle it....I mean what have you got to lose?" So I did...I got down on my knees and told Jesus taht I couldn't ahndle this on my own, but that since he knew what I was going through and had been to places liek this that maybe he could help me......and He did in a marvelous way. My whole view of my leadership team has shifted and there are depths and levels to it that I can't even describe right here right now, but I can promise that they will come later. For now Jesus and his unfailing grace and mercy are absolutely awesome. NSO (New Student Outreach) for Intervarsity has been like something out of a dream, God is working on this campus this year and its been such a blessing to see these freshmen come in so hungry for God and community. He's even brought us people who are DIFFERENT :o :shock: IT'S SO COOL! School is tough this year with 18 hours of upper level science and engineering classes and finally cracking into finishing some majors during this my senior (4th) year 8) , not that I'll graduate, but I'm getting there. Classes are great so far and while I haven't covered ANYTHING new yet I know that some cools tuff is coming and I know that my homework group for thermo2 rocks. My best friend is getting married in January and I'm gonna be best man, so thats exciting and while I still have worries about the speed of the marriage and engagement I ahve no worries about the couple themselves. There's been some friction between us, but its not huge stuff, but its important and will need to be dealt with. His view of Christian women clashes with my view pretty directly. And His view of a Christians role in society worries me about the state of the rest of the Christians I know. I'll explain on that maybe later. But other than those thats a pretty succinct update of the summer and the year so far. It's great to be back in Lubbock and back to blogging too. There is always something theraputic about this. God Bless you all! May the Grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ go with you and may you follow the path that leads to Him.
The road behind me, the road in front, the masses that beckon to the side, the signs that lead astray, I will not move from this spot unless you go with me Lord. Be a light to my feet and a companion on my journey from this moment until I stand with you by the shores of the Crystal Sea.
:D In a week I head back to school. Ergo.....Soon to be regular postings again! WOO! For all you who read and those of you who read. TTYSoon :D. God Bless!
A long time ago in a land perhaps not so far away there was a very wise and powerful King. He loved His Son very much and to honor His Son he spent a very long time going over maps and making treaties and paying huge sums of money and time to secure a marvelous kingdom for His Son to reign over when the time was right. Soon after acquiring the last of the territory and importing the last few supplies however, the King’s herald rebelled and convinced a part of the Mighty King’s army to rebel with him. The rebellion was crushed and the herald and his armies doomed. But the herald and his army escaped into what was to become the Prince’s kingdom. The herald after looking over his ill-won kingdom declared that it was his and that the peasants whom the Mighty King had sent to live in the kingdom to serve him and his son would soon serve only their new master. The herald (being a sneaky and underhanded sort) managed to trick the wife of the elder peasant into violating an important command that the Mighty King had given them. Fearing the Mighty King’s wrath the elder chose the herald for his children to serve. The years passed and the Mighty King(who was of a special sort that did not age as the peasants did) watched as the years passed and the generations of peasants grew old and died without ever even thinking of the King who still sent supplies and help to the kingdom even as the people served his wicked herald. The King however had a plan. He, His brother and His Son had carefully planned an attack that would defeat the herald once and for all. The King sent his warriors and messengers carefully into the Kingdom of his Son. Carefully choosing a few of the peasants, He set the plan in motion and shepherded the events to ensure that when the time came the victory over the herald and his armies would be absolute. When the Time for the plan to come into full effect came near the Son himself entered His own kingdom as a peasant. He lived with a simple peasant family and learned a simple good trade under a man he called father. When the time to fight came however, He willingly left his simple satisfying life and marched into battle. He won victories over many in the herald’s army and several times resisted the herald’s personal attempts to woo him to oppose the Mighty King as most of the other peasants had. But the Prince’s resolution became stronger as he marched. He began training the peasants to fight as he fought He took peasants that were simple men and trained them to be mighty warriors worthy of the name of the King that they bore on their foreheads. They would be completely different soldiers from those of the King’s army or that of the wicked herald. He told them who he was and some of them believed him. “The Prince from afar”, who their fathers had told them truly ruled this kingdom. They slowly learned to fight as the Prince taught them. However, as he approached the final battle his new soldiers deserted him for in their fear they forgot who walked forward with them. They saw the other peasants and the armies of the herald and lost courage. The Prince knew this was going to happen. While their desertion hurt him, for he loved the simple peasant soldiers as his own brothers, he marched forward because he knew that their lives in the coming war depended on him. The Prince walked alone to the predetermined site of the battle and stood alone against the most powerful of the herald’s warriors, including the herald himself. He was struck down by a mighty blow. The herald and his warriors rejoiced thinking that they had won, but then the plan of the King, His Brother and the Prince was revealed. The Prince had allowed himself to be knocked down, but then drawing upon all He was as the Son of the Mighty King he rose from the ground and defeated the herald and his warriors. He broke the power of the Herald’s armies over the peasants. The herald would hold no hold over them if they simply declared their allegiance to the Prince and his Father. At the very site of his falling the Prince built a fortress to gather and train the peasants to become soldiers for the King. For although the herald was defeated his punishment would wait while the King prepared it. A punishment fit for a traitor of the highest order and all his armies with him. So the defeated herald was allowed to run free with the remains of his army and while at times they grew in power, the armies of the Prince could always beat them. The armies of the herald knew that they were already beaten and that they could never again stand against the armies of the King or his Son. The Prince, after a time of encouraging and strengthening his new troops returned to his Father’s castle to make ready for his Return and the final judgment of the herald and those who allied with him. He promised to sent the King’s Brother to help the peasants and stay with them until he returned and to offer them guidance and the ear of the King whenever they should need it. Long years passed and the army of peasants grew as many came to the fortress built by the fall of the Prince. The King’s Brother stayed with the peasants as promised and the armies of the Prince quickly changed the face of the kingdom. They were taught new ways to live and new ways to act. For as soldiers for the Prince they had to act accordingly. As time passed and children learned from their parents the ways of the Prince’s soldiers but each of them had to go to the fortress to begin their training as soldiers for the Prince in their own right. Generations of soldiers were raised up and the herald was disheartened for soldiers of the king were no longer his allies and would therefore not share his punishment when the prince returned from his father’s castle. So he grew in hatred for the soldiers of the Prince and began attacking them viciously and cruelly. He was not without sources of information and would often attack soldiers in places that their armor didn’t quite reach or blindside them with attacks of devious cruelty. Then he happened upon something that made the rest of his attacks seem placid and prankish. He began setting up fortresses of his own near the fortress of the Prince and he would have people who were in his service stand out front telling the peasants that this was the true fortress of the Prince. Many many of the peasants were deceived and herald was glad that so many would follow him to his punishment. As the peasants grew greater in number they began to discover new parts of the kingdom and new things which they had never seen before. Some who hated the King and served the herald said that the King never really had existed at all and that the parts of the Kingdom that were being explored were proof. They drew many from the false fortresses into their argument and over time the voice of the soldiers of the Prince quieted. Embarrassed at the reports from the explorers which seemed to prove that, indeed there never was a King and that it was merely a simple myth like so many stories they told their children. What they didn’t know was that the explorers were finding not less evidence of the king but more. His markers and signposts covered the new areas and buildings and structures built for the pleasure of the peasants. The buildings and bridges had plaques on them that said “Built by the Mighty King with love for My People”. Those who hated the king lied about the findings and claimed that things were not the way they appeared and in some cases destroyed the plaques and milestones brought back from the new lands to prevent them from ever being brought forward as proof of the Mighty King’s Existence. So the soldiers of the Prince gradually became quiet on things like exploration and discovery clinging simply to the emotion that they felt when they talked to the King’s Brother and read the copies of the diary that the Prince left behind for them to learn about him. The generations fell away until one generation of the Prince’s soldiers did something terrible. Tired after a long and hard victory over a horrible attack of the herald and his allies this generation came back from their battle and desired nothing more than rest. When their children stood up to fight against them in the way that all children fight their parents the tired generation who defeated a horrible attack of the herald and his allies sat down and did nothing. Their children then grew up without knowledge of how to stand up and fight for what they believed in. So while they learned their lessons from their parents (the few that were saved from disaster) the children of the tired generation knew nothing of fighting and very little of the King. The grandsons of the tired generation were raised like women. The herald had devised a wonderfully evil plot. Because the children of the tired generation were not taught completely and did not know how to learn on their own they knew little of how to raise their own children. The herald whispered in the ears of a few peasants a way to raise children that would make it much harder for those children to learn about the King. He told the sons of the tired generation that it was not right for warriors to be raised. Not knowing how to fight, they accepted this proclamation they let their own sons be raised to be quiet and meek. The new generation of men found emptiness and a lack of fulfillment wherever they went doing whatever they did. They lost their ability to fight for their women and many of their generation died because of it. A few learned to fight taught carefully by the brother of the King and a few of the earlier generations who did not sit down when their time came, but the vast majority of the generation were lost and confused for they had been taught that what they knew was all there was. Yet they found their hearts yearning for more.
I just wanted to give everyone a heads up. I am home for the summer and I will be posting periodically. However, because of the annoying slowness of the home dial-up connection I will post only after I write a blog on a word file and then copy it into the blog. This means that since I'm fairly lazy ub regards to writing that there won't be a whole lot blogged, but then again not much goes on with me over the summer. So to all the readers all 3667 of you. God Bless. I'll be in touch and thanks for reading. Coming from the end of a very long work week - Ferris :D
Allright I know for a fact that this blog is gonna cause drama cause whenever this blog gets serious it causes drama. I can think of one person who has been bugging me to write this and one person (morning workout buddy) who will be a bit hurt that I didn't mention this to him, but trust me I did it for good reason. Allright during the last weeks while the school stuff and riding horses were going on was Leadership selection time for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship on Texas Tech campus. To make things absolutely clear I've been on leadership for a school year and I have more or less loved every minute of it. They assigned me to the E-team. The e-team plans all non-small group events. Large group, Friday Night Fun, big events, retreats(when we have em). Its a team that has ranged between 4 and 6 people and I'd say that my experiences have forced me to grow. The first semester I was on a team with 4 other people who thought completely different from me. None were engineering minded people and therefore we were on seperate wavelengths and at times the meetings DRAGGED on much to my chagrin. However, they were productive and except for a few equipment malfunctions during the course of the semester the events went smoothly and the NSO events were a blast. The spring semester was a different animal the two other guys on the team were leaving and were replaced by two girls. So I became the only guy voice for planning on the e-team. This however was not as bad as it might sound. Because of the semester before had taught me how to go aobut speaking to people who think much differently than I in a much better fashion I was able function on the same level. Basically I spent meetings thinking about ideas for events depending on what we were planning (both fall and spring). If I had an idea I would say it quietly and then if I felt it was really good would carefully push to get it accepted. So I kept my mouth shut until I had something to add. Which works well for both situations, you can't get yourself in trouble if you say nothing flippantly and when you do speak you get listened to. So overall I felt that my time on the e-team was very productive and caused me to grow as a person or at least in a bit of wisdom about group dynamics. So onto the purpose of this blog. I went into the leadership interview and I tried to make it as clear as possible that I wanted to be on the e-team again very badly. I also did not want to be a small group leader. My reasoning is that I ahve done small group leading before and while I was generally effective I neither enjoyed it nor was very good at it. So I know for a fact that there are people in IV that can better serve in that position, but its not something I would be unable to do. So before the interview you fill out a questionaire about 4 pages long of things about your year on leadership and what you would like to see happen next year. Sometimes it can be quite difficult for me to quantify in words what the answers to some of these questions are, but I struggled through and put a lot of effort into the sections of what I would like to see next year, including an idea or two for the NSO(New Student Outreach) and the idea that an IVCF disciplship group could be an incredible force for evangelizing on campus. However, during the interview I found out that apparently they only read the sections that I ahve the most trouble answering(which is probably another engineer/non-engineer mindset thing). So during the interview I got no questions about what I felt the most strongly about which was where I wanted the fellowship to go. So after the interview and questionaire the "leadership selection team" who goes unnamed so I can't go talk to them about things spends a few weeks going over everything and then has an "exit interview" and tells you your position for the next year. I went in expecting that over my objections they would make me small group leader and not e-team member instead I get niether. It turns out that the fellowship has been shrinking for the last few years or so and there weren't many people signed up for leadership this year. So in consequence a position known as "core member" was cut. A core member was the lowest on the totem pole of leadership, jsut there to help the small group leader organize things and bring food and to show up to leadership meetings. There was also usually a co-leader for a small group. I was informed that I would be placed in a "new" position for next fall. I would be a small group leaders assitant. This postition would be the duties of a core member plus leading a small group late in the semester after I'd "had a chance to watch the leader some". Needless to say I'm still hurt and a bit angry at this assignment. I feel like I've been slapped in the face. I worked hard and showed good fruit for a year on a position that I enjoyed and instead of getting rewarded for my efforts and dedication I'm instead relegated to non-leadership position. Rec Week will be coming up right after finals and during the week I will have to undergo small group leader training. Normally this would mean I would be leading a small group, but instead some of the NEW people on leadership will be leading a small group with jsut this training where as I will be "watching" so I will know how to do it. Its like first being told that you did a bad job in the position we had you in so we're going to demote you. Then since we apparently don't respect your intelligence or abilities we'll make sure to humiliate you by making you "watch" to make sure you can do it. Like I said earlier it feels like a slap in the face. I've spent the last week and half or so mulling this over. Trying to decide if I even want to accept the position. For the first time in a year and half on Intervarsity I've debated leaving the group entirely. I've got plenty of good reasons, I'm a triple major and after 3 years of easy classes I'll be breaking into the upper level engineering classes next semester as well as taking 19 hours. My health is not all that good and the stress of a group like IV is significant and I could even gain back a weekend or two from retreats. These are all valid reasons and to top them off apparently what I've suspected for the last few months is true. Many of the people on leadership either don't respect me or don't trust me. I could name a few names that I'm sure would raise some eyebrows among my readership and I'm tempted to for the simple fact that one person in particular raises my temper jsut by being around, but I'm gonna be nice and hold my tongue off of her as a subject. In summary I don't know what I'm going to do about this. I feel hurt, disrespected and this is the sort of situation where I normally just decide that God is pushing me in another direction. There is an idea that has been growing on my heart for the last semester or so I could quit IVCF and focus on that idea. But on the other hand there are few people in this group that I really enjoy the company of, but there are several groups who I had to give up hanging with because leadership took so much of my time. There is another problem. They mentioned this 6 hour commitment. They want everyone on leadership to spend at least 6 hours with people from their small group outside of SG itself. This is a fine goal for those who live in the dorms and their nearest small-group member is two doors down, but I live off campus. The time commitment is truly staggering as well with the 6 hour commitment I would spend almost 12 hours at IV stuff every week. That would bring my total commitment for school plus IV to 31 hours a week, plus a minimum of two hours per hour of class each week brings me to 69 hours a week. Plus working on saturday to cover the tution hike brings me to 77 hours of committment per week. I don't mind spending that much time with people every week but when you start looking on how to work that into a schedule problems with the Noble idea become very apparent. Once again people who have no idea what studying is really like making time commitments for others. I'm sounding bitter right now and its because I am in three years at school I ahve people complaing to me about studying to much or not hanging out enough and its really starting to get old. If I hear one more business major complain about having to study two hours for a test I'll probably kill him/her. Anyways I ranted I'm sorry, but this blog was about me really feeling shafted by my assignment on leadership this year and trying to work out just what to do about it. This blog was the first step, because after two weeks of thinking I'm sure the leadership people thought everything was fine with the new posts and this will upset some of them greatly I"m sure, but I feel like I had to say something now or else I would jsut spend next year suffering in a useless position having little to no effect on anyone spiritually and not growing as a leader or a person at all. I offered to serve willingly and I'll stand by that, but I still feel that this position is not what I want to spend two semesters doing. I'll leave this open for comments now and Lord help me because I know their gonna come. Coming from the dissapointed and hurt side of a seemingly inefficient process - Ferris
Yeah I'm posting an excuse. :oops: I'd apologize profusely but I jsut got back from the IVCF picnic and watching Kill Bill vol1 at a friends house....its now 1 am and I'm still getting up early cause there is a lot to do before the end of the year. Therefore, after 10am tommorrow I will post pt.3 of Catching Up. This one will probably cause some controversy and a few headaches during the next few weeks but then again I'll ahve to address this issue sooner or later and knowing me...I prefer sooner. God Bless y'all! sleep well! coming from a very nice day and a a NEW TFRIEND - Ferris (RedTigress is awesome) :D 8)
