:D I tried to squish a spider with a brick yesterday and it didn't work. I'm worried because now he's pissed and has a weapon! :D Well I thought I had more than that but I guess not. Hope everyone's day is going well. I'm gonna go back to my room now.....I finally found a shovel. [b]@*$&%* spider![/b] Coming from jsut before the hard part of taking my room back - Ferris
:) Okay so for the past few weeks I've been short tempered and irritable many of my freinds can attest to this, and after a sudden epiphany a few days ago I think I have finally figured out at least a part of the reason. To explain the reason however I need to first explain the marble bag theory of dating. I am a strong believer that if I am to be married it will be to the one poerson that God has for me hereinafter referred to as "the one". The idea behind the marble bag teory is that all of the members of the opposite sex are marbles in a big bag and somewhere in there is a diamond, "the one". If you go about it the way the world normally does and simply pull marbles out of the bag and look at them then you could spend quite a long time looking for the diamond. There are some side notes regarding colors and what to look for in a mate, but the ultimate point is that if you will just step away from the bag and et God take over he will pour out the bag onto a big open tray so that all the marbles are visible and then he points to the diamond and says "There. Look! Here it is!" So recently I've been feeling like God has been pouring out this bag of marbles and I've managed to become completely cologr blind so all the marbles look the same color wise so as I'm looking through the hundredsof marbles waiting for God to point out the right one Im very confused as I look and can get dissapointed very easy. However, this has been the normal state of affairs for the past 6-7 years so its nothing new and doesn't even get me down hardly at all. However, the thing that I ahve determined that bothers me has been my best friend's marble search. He spent the better part of the time I've known him reaching into the bag and immeadiately treating whatever marble that came out as the diamond and throwing caution to the wind and getting into all sorts of trouble. The last marble that he pull out could have been considered like a black diamond(not the one God has chosen, the one Satan had), but he almost married her and has had all sorts of realted problems about it even now pushing 6 months later. But since he has come to college with me he's allowed God to take control, to "dump out the bag", the problem I've had however is that apparently God just dumped out a few marbles and immeadiately pointed to the diamond. Like unbelievably quick like four marbles fall out of the bag and one of them is thue diamond. Even my friend couldbn't have missed her if god hadn't pointed her out. So the problem that I've been having is a bit of jealousy and a bit of "older brother of the progdical son" syndrome. Here I am having trusted this to God for so long, struggling when it got hard, screwing up and hurting myself but still trusting implicitly for years and then my friend comes along and after being a progdical for years gets in line and trusts for a matter of weeks and gets the diamond. I'm suffering from acute jealousy and an offended sense of fairness.
[i]So I confess my sin of coveting what someone else has and distrusting the sovereignity of God and his ability to take care of me. I ask for forgiveness under the blood of Jesus Christ. My life and my future and my wife and girlfriend and anything my future holds I entrust to your will Lord Jesus. Give me strength and grace to persevere and to be a shining light for you. In your precious name I pray. Amen.[/i]
Well now that I've figured that out its jsut a mtter of figuring out what to do about my attitudes toward it. I t should get a lot easier now that he has moved out of my room and I won't have his joy rubbed in my face day after day, but I'm gonna have to pray about getting to the point where I can rejoice with him in his blessing. :oops: Well I think thats all I can say for now. God Bless you all and keep you all safe. Coming from the recovery side of conviction and repentance - Ferris :D
I am a pessimistic pragmatist clothed in optimism. Before you go grab your dictionaries and then cry foul let me explain....I am a person of many different parts and layers. I have a very thick skin and it generally takes a impossibly long time for anyone to bother me to the point of snapping at them, but I did tonight and I felt the need to explain this. My life recently has been a serious of major, minor and temporary tragedies. Between cousins dying and computers dying and a whole host of other things in between, my layers of optimism and joy havn't had time to recharge. If anyone notcied however after just two days at Pathways I was happy and optimistic for almost two entire weeks before I was worn down again. I won't go into the details about the tragedies because most people either wouldn't understand them or would require a three hour talk about where I'm coming from to understand them, so I won't even try. Tonights minor tragedy was once again seeing that I bored people. This is something I hate....I'm tired of feeling like my stories are just long pauses in the other peoples conversation. That was tonights tragedy and yeah yeah it may seem petty to you but its very meaningful and painful to me. One of my staff workers is leaving and thats a another tragedy, and well maybe I'm just tired again. I dunno I feel slightly better after blogging so maybe it'll all be better tommorrow morning. So for the reason why I didn't want to talk tonight friend who I brushed off...( :? anyone else can continue reading if they so wish its not like confidential or anything) I give you this.....as my life has been a series of tragedies lately I couldn't stand another one tonight and I'm sorry, if you want to tell me something do it quickly and without doing the whole "do I look like I'm joking thing" its a hell of a lot less painful for me when you just say it...I mean certainly you could understand that being the "personal contact" type of person that I am that I've heard a few people say..."I don't like it when you hug me." or "Don't touch many any more it bothers me." Yes it still hurts when someone says that...yes it takes me a while to get over it....in fact sometimes it takes a very long time to get over it...but I always do. Like I said tonight I'm not sure the other person is there until I've touched them; shaken hands, hugged, patted on the shoulder anything jsut some contact or else I don't even feel like the other person is really there. Well I think I've said all that I can tonight coherently and without rambling into "reasons why I think damn near any girl I know right now could be my future wife and why them looking at me with that peculiar mix of disgust and pity hurts so much" :( so I won't. Coming from the tragic side of the great adventure and very much looking forward to a certain someone wiping away every tear from my eyes - Ferris
:D Question of the week while I still try to get my computer working...Is the new mouse trailer annoying?
The mouse trailer is the littel orbiting circle that says "Welcome to Ferris' Big Blog!!" does it bother people? is it getting in the way? You tell me in either the flooble chatterbox to the right or in a comment. If its irritating then I'll take it off. God bless you all and have a great day! Coming from a land where sleep does not guarantee rest - Ferris
Sorry its been so long since the last update guys and this one is not gonna be much info either. Been pretty busy around here, and not neccessarily in a bad way either. I had a pretty good weekend and a decent last week. You might get a good update leter this week as things slow down after my third round of tests. Hope everyone is doing well. God Bless and take care! Coming to you just a little behind on rent and a lot behind on sleep - Ferris :)
Well I thought I had something to say....but I think my train of thought derailed. And after such a long termodynamics test...its probably not gonna be on track for another 7-8 hours. God bless you all! Hope your day is going great! Coming to you live from the state of confusion! - Ferris (now in Widescreen HDTV)
Well its been an interesting day to say the least. I went to church....came back, got my Matrix Revolutions Tickets, did a bit of covert work with my car and went to my grandparents. (P.S. Mike is it you that was talking about going to dallas for the LOTR relase?) At my grandparents I had a very nice time talking with them and eating dinner and once again in spite o fmy protests they loaded me down with food. Oh well there is no stopping them. On the way back I cried the first thirty minutes and while it was for an extremely good reasonb I won't explain in this blog because it would take to long and I'm already dead tired. In fact the only reason that I'm up and the biggest reason for this blog is that I'm irritated with my temporary roomate :x and his new girlfriend. Once again although not surprisingly another pair of friends has paired off and completely lsot sight of how their actions affect others. I get back and its after 10:00 which means that my roomate who has no key is locked out of the building meaning that I have to let him in....after IMing his girlfriend where I suspect him to be and recieving no response I call her cellphone. I ask if ***** is there and I am told yes....I tell her to tell him to get over here because I desperatley want to go to bed being that I have an 8 oclock class tommorrow and that I ahve driven well over 3 hours today including thirty minutes of wrestling with God while driving(once again another time)....Anyways...I am told "Well the movies almost over"...thats just great the movie is almost over is it....wonderful thats what 15-20 minutes judging by the time its been since I called. So with the time it take shim to leave there after spending 10 minutes kissy-facing at each other, the time for him to saunter over here and the time for me to make it into my bed and fall asleep after letting him in I'm out almost 50 minutes.....50 minutes of my time because the movie is "almost over"....just freakin peachy. I hate these relationship things....this complete obsession with the other person so that you don't notice that your clothes,hair,wallet whatever is on fire is jsut way to overrated and stupid. And so help me if one person says "But its so cute" or "But they're in love" I will stab them repeatedly. (I get mean when I'm tired) Love does not mean focusing completely on that person so that all other things fall by the wayside. Only one person is worthy of such love and all other loves should pale in comparison. I'm ranting I know, but when I have to get up to let him in after work is one thing....he can't control what his boss does or when he is scheduled, but when I ahve to postpone going to bed because he's spent the last 10 hours with his "girl" and can't stand to leave in the middle of the last 10 minutes of a chick flick that he can't stand except for the company I get fed up. There I think I'm finished....wait no I jsut thought of some more. For the "friend" if you ever want to complain about being tired stop staying up until 3 am talking with him and try and focus a little more on your schoolwork. Remember why you are here...you are here to get a degree not to flirt and make kissy face at my roomate for several hours on end. allright I think that finishes it now....that should piss off or worry a sufficient number of people. oh and for the above comments about staying up late talking the above statements and the response by stabbing apply as well. And *****if you tell me with pride in your voice how little I know about women or how much I'll change when I get a girlfriend or anything else about what you ahve done with pride...I will stab you in your sleep with a rusty spoon. Thank you and goodnight. Coming from the mildly pissed(yes mildly pissed when I'm really pissed I get mean) and very tired side of an interesting car trip - Ferris :x :evil: :?
Interesting Day...well not really but hah you're reading my blog!!!
It's been an uneventful day really. I got up later bummed around studying until linch opened. Came back took a nap went to wal-mart afterwards and tried to get my oi changed but instead came away with an oil filter and a changed air filter....and less two hours of my time. Watched the first seven episodes of outlaw star and then watched a gam of "english" pool. Basically same rules as American pool, but with these wierd two shots after scratches and other screwups. I dunno it was fun. It also has been interesting once again to hang out with all of the international students around here. Everytime I do it comes to me that there are several of them that have never even been to or heard of church or Jesus. Funny feeling to talk to them. I dunno. I can't wait to go back to church tommorrow it feels like its been so long....oh well. Hope everything is going well will all of you out there in Reading Ferris's Blog land. God Bless you all and have a great weekend! Comoing to you just this side of bedtime - Ferris (P.S. my computer is still down..3 days running)
