Allright heres the situation I bring it before you all to judge because I have an emotional stake in this and I want to know y'alls opinion. The E-Team(the leadership mini-group that organizes all of Intervarsity's events here at Tech) has been working on a Super Bowl party for our chapter for the past two weeks. I have put a considerable amount of effort and money(for a college student) into this party because I want it to be good enough so that people don't feel cheated in ahving come. On monday at small group one of my friends mentioned that they were Thinking of watching movies on Sunday night and wanted me to come. I declined and excitedly described our party. Four TV's three with the game on them and one with movies showing, plus queso(made by me! :D ) and snackage and hopefully most of the IV chapter. This young lady being a member of our small group and our chapter I figured she would want to go. I thought nothing more of it until thursday when niether her nor two other friends showed up for Large Group. Today after getting supplies for the party and sitting down to chat after a very long series of errands that I had to do today she asked again if I wanted to watch movies I said no the IV party is tommorrow and I thought you were coming. She responded that they were having their own party and watchig movies all night. They in this case refers to her, her friend, her best friends boyfriend(my best friend) her roomates and several others on the floor. I told her that I was pretty hurt that she would snub my party after I told her that there was gonna be movies playing and I had wanted her there(not an order you, just hoping she'd show) She responded that she didn't want to be one of a crowd and watch "some movie that someone else picked out" I said that it wasn't really about the game or the movies being shown because it was an IV party and was kinda aobut fellowship. She then responded with a "oh sure you're always right" sarcastic remark. I'm confused here I obviously feel that I was in the right as far as being hurt by her refusal to come and planning another party), I mean I told her about the party before she had planned for the movie night, made clear that we wouldn't just be watching the game, and that I had put no small amount of effort into it. So I submit this case to my readers, Was I dissed royally? Do I have reason to feel hurt(and maybe a little angry)? Or am I jsut being overly emotional about this? There are whole lotta barbs I could add to this, but I hope that someone will jsut comment on the situation at least. Coming from the very hungry side of 9 hours without food. - Ferris p.s. please leave your thoughts! :D
Sorry to dissapoint but the spritual life of Ferris will not have any further installments because as this point the story has been brought up to date and now Ferris is living pt.3 Upcoming installments on this blog will include the Life and times of Ferris, The truth as scattered throughout history and possibly a running and screaming segment as the first round of tests approaches. Coming from the sleepy side of a looooonnnnngggg Tuesday - Ferris :)
When we last left our intrepid hero he had jsut met a group from Las Vegas, NV that would change the course of his entire life. The people in this group exhibited a joy and passion about going to youth camp that I had never seen before, and it wasn't because of all the social interaction it was simply because they were here to learn something about God and to meet him in a new way and get refreshed. This was a completely foregin concept to me. Church was a waste of time I was saved and I needed nothing more out of Jesus than that. Throughout the rest of the day I made fast friends with the girls in the group and as usual was utterly smitten with them enough to do whatever they wanted and come evening service time I agreed to join the group from Indian Springs. Within 2 seconds of joining them in the auditorium, my inner man was realizing he had just made a big mistake...they weren't stopping walking they were headed more and more towards the front. They weren't stopping I was frantically thinking of excuses, but there were new friends all around and I had to live with them for the rest of the week. They kept moving front section, front row dead center....less than 10 feet from the stage. I felt like a caged rat. I hadn't reached the bottom yet....the music started the singers got up the worship leader started rocking out and my friends stood up and went right up to the stairs on the stage and dragged me along.....and standing there at the very front of an auditorium filled with over 2000 of my peers they wanted me to dance and sing. I wish there was a way to make this more dramatic a fade to black after a scene freeze then a slow fade in to the reaction of the crowds watching me. As I think back on it and how Paul says we are surrounded by so great a crowd of witnesses, my race took a sudden turn. I did it. I sang, I danced, I prayed, I jumped, I hollered. It was awkward wrong silly something was so silly about this my mind wouldn't quit telling me how stupid I looked and my pride wouldn't let me quit and embarass myself in front of my new friends(ahh the true power of peer pressure). The first night I came out stunned exhausted. What had I just done? I had even stayed awake during the preaching and written down some notes. That week I was on my best behavior. The family of God at Indian Springs took me in like they would have a lost one of their own. Every night I danced, every night I sang my heart out and after the second night something incredible happened. I began to enjoy it. I started singing the words and thinking about them as I did, making each and every word a silent prayer. God came to meet me at YFN 99 and for the first time in my life after being a Christian for so many years I met him. That week put a fire in my soul and as I look back on the timing its simply incredible. I started a public high school less than a month after camp. I went into a place where I would meet my best friends, experiences some of my greatest failings and prepare myself for a whole new stage of life and if I hadn't met with God that summer I would have been lost and probably would never have graduated. I went out to Las Vegas that Christmas and spent three days with my new friends it cemented my place in their hearts and forever etched them in mine. I slipped a bit over the school year fell back into old habits, but a door had been opened and I could meet with God and fix where I had gone wrong. The next summer I went back with my youth group. I still had very little connection to them...maybe even more so than the year before because the number of friends I had at high school had expanded so much. I didn't sit with them I sat once again on the front row and sang and danced. I learned I made friends and felt refreshed again. The next year was tough I had a college level biology class and a teacher who loved evolution and hated creation even though she professed to be a Christian I started going to the FCA meetings every thursday morning. I hit my lowest point during this year and made a vow that I still hold to this day, but thats a story for another blog and requires a very painful surrendering of pride. In the spring of my junior year before YFN00 I recieved an invitation to attend a summer camp at West Point. Thrilled to even be thought of by a place that I had never heard of before I accepted immeadiately and after YFN spent a week in upstate New York meeting friends. I decided shortly after my senior year started that West Point was the college for me. Iwas undaunted by the tales of harsh freshmen existance or the 5 year post college commitment. It felt right...a place to teach me discipline and schooling and develop my leadership abilities. I applied and was given conditional acceptance within a few weeks on medical qualification and the mandatory letter from a congressman. By November I had not one but two letters of reccomendation from both my representative where I was brought in for an interview and told that it was merely a technicality and that the veterans just wanted to meet such a fine young man. The other from my state senator who chose me after I sent in nothing more than a letter in a competition of over 800 students. Things were a breeze my senior year until March. My medical records search turned up a stay in the hospital when I was on a trip to San Antonio when I was 12. It was jsut barely within the 6 year time limit, but after talking with my parents we decided the honest thing to do was to put it in. It brought up a red flag as did my eyes. I was ordered to undergo two special tests to recieve a waiver. When I visited the campus over spring break I recieved the impression that West Point desperately wanted me and a waiver would be forthcoming for both. I went into the first test and passed easily my eyes were not irreperable they were just really bad....the lung test I went in confident........and failed......The doctor looked almost as dissapointed as I was and something in his eyes changed. He mentioned that he thought the standards for the test may have changed...he looked it up and sure enough the test standards had changed....I would have passed under the new standards...he sent the first test off with a letter explaining the situation and I was given another chance to take the test...I passed. Everything was falling into place....until April when I recieved a letter from the Department of Defense Medical Examine Review Board. I would not recieve a medical waiver, my dreams of West Point were over. I was at peace, my parents took it hard. Dad was dissapointed because he saw the possibility of his son going far, maybe a general, maybe more...mom cried and still tears up about it even today. I was at peace because at the end of the test I had prayed and given the results to God. I told him that if it was in His will I knew I would end up where he wanted if it was West Point so be it, if not then I could trust. I had come a long way from barely talking to my own Creator and Savior to the point of trusting him with something as important as the rest of my life. My family and I went into panic mode. I had been turned down at three big name schools out of state and all I was left with were state schools. Because of the lousiness of my high schools GPA scale because I transferred into the school in 10th grade I was unable to graduate in the top 10% of my class a requirement in Texas for garunteed enrollment to a State university. I would have to apply last minute using the Texas common application. I applied to Texas Tech because both of the essays were optional, a fact I tried to take advantage of, however, my mother made sure that I filled out both and that I also applied to the Honors college. By the grace of God I was top biology student in the state at UIL competition and the number 3 science student overall. I recieved a big scholarship from a chemistry group with the requirement that my major be chosen for me and I went to my last year of YFN as aspiring freshman to Texas Tech univesity. The last year of camp I chose to go with the group from Indian Springs as one of them. I was something of a localized celebrity everyone who was new had heard tales of this cool guy Matt from Texas who was something of a member expatriate of the INdian Springs Youth Groups. God met me in apoweful way that week forcing me to develop leadership for my nation(team) and giving me a heart for the people of Ukraine. I met a young lady named Jordan who at two years younger than me I took to as a little sister. I left the week energized for college. I arrived in August with my father driving our van packed with things I had packed in the last week in typical Matt fashion....last minute. I was on a team called the Howdy Techsans....I chose it selfishly as a chance to get into my room before my roomate and have first choice of bed. That sunday was my first away from home alone for church ever. Some friends invited me to a church that was way out there Indiana Ave. Baptist, coming froma charasmatic nondenominational church I was worried, but instead I found a home away from home a new body to belong to songs sung without dancing but with a worship leader who sung with passion. I made friend fast and managed just barely to get to church most sundays. In the spring I joined the discipleship group and was discipled by Jason Brogden. I learned doctrine I solidified in my faith. If I had to describe it I came to school as wet concrete. Sloppy in places and able to be molded but with hard spots that would not budge. I came out of discipleship with an understanding that I had not had before I solidified.....the concrete set. The next summer was tough I visited YFN for a night and hung out with both the groups from Indian Springs and the group from Forney TX that I had met through Jordan. It was refreshing even if jsut for a night. I worked hard all summer in the chemistry lab at my fathers plant. I arrived back at school little knowing that I was going to face something that could shake me away from my tough concrete back to a pile of mush. I was running fairly regularly after a freshman spring of sedentary lifestyle. Around early september after only a few weeks at school my foot started to ache during runs. I took it as a running injury and started stretching more before runs after a week of it getting worse I saw the on campus doctors twice and was xrayed and probed and prodded and nothing was found. I stopped running andfor a time the foot got better, but by late September I was close to limping on it and in early October I was limping heavily and my hands had started hurting. I told my parents and went back to the campus doctors who did nothing for my hands but thought that I may have had an infection and prescribed antibiotics and some aleve for my worsening ankle. I was hobbled. I had come to school aspiring to run the White Rock marathon in December. By November it took me almost 20 minutes to get from my dorm the 1/4 mile to the ME building. I had a scratchy rash over my body that developed white patches where the skin scratched off to reveal raw pink skin underneath and my head itched constantly and shed like the worst case of dandruff times ten. I tried over the counter medications but nothing seemed to help and my thumb and finger had started swelling by the second week in November my left index finger was the size of a roll of quarters and was completely immobile my thumb and wrist on my right hand were close behind the finger in size. They hurt constantly. My ankle was swollen to three times its size I almost couldn't fit it in my boots and because of my pronounced limp my back started aching. I was tough as an old boot I refused to be humbled. I forced myself to every class coming close to tears and I pushed my ankle along. I refused to pray fervently about it. At my lowest in November I gave up, I surrendered, an older friend back home told me that she had a message for me from God(the lady is a prophetess proven according to Biblical standards) she said that I was being tested like Job. If you have ever read Job you know that it is simultaneously the greatest and worst thing to hear someone tell you. I broke my pride in my body in November over Thanksgiving. I got back and went into the emergency room. I recieved an apointment with a young doctor at an arthritis clinic associated with the hospital. He put me on a cortizone pack and perscribed methotrexate to be started so that he could see me in a month after treatment. The cortizone stopped the diseases progression immeadiately, my scalp healed within two days and the lesions stopped scaling. There was a short relapse while I struggled through finals and made it home to take the first of my weekly shots. The first shot made me sick to my stomach and I was exhausted all the next day. The second shot put me to sleep for almost 12 hours(for someone who usually only need 6 hours thats something) and then I slept the rest of the day after an hour awake. The side effects varied as my body got used to chemotherapy at a constant level. Around that time my friend Austin finally convinced me to go to IVCF large group. Over the semester with the coaxing of a staff worker who showed love to a hurting young man convinced me to stay. I stuck with the small groups and showed up early as often as I could for large group to help. At the end of the semester while I still limped slightly I was asked to apply for leadership and was accepted and put onto the E-team. While it was not what I expected I was happy to serve and I went to Rec Week excited(Rec Week is Intervarsity's leadership training retreat) I came out passionate once again and ready for year as leader. As for how the last semester went? Read the archives of my blog. Early in the fall the New Student Outreach went well and I learned a lot about what was needed and what worked and didn't. The rest is history. I still take my weekly shots over a year after the first one and my ankle and two fingers still hurt and are still visibly swollen and under high stress situations my head will itch and my skin will look funny. I know what this test is now after well over a year after breaking my own heart on someone elses and having everythig I held important stripped from me. I am being prepared. My pride is still not broken it is still a force in my life until it is broken and washed under the cross I will not be healed. I have been brought from a Christian who was barely distinguishable from the rest of the world to someone who tries his hardest to please his Savior everyday. The fact that he has a plan for my life gives me hope and courage. He gives me strength now, but the traitor inside the defeated coward who is my sin nature still stalks the halways of my mind and tells me I can do it on my own. With the help of Jesus my Lord and Savior I will overcome and through him I will succeed in his purpose for my life. I have reached a point in my life where the child is falling away and the soldier is stepping forth. I may only be a weak human, but in place of a spirit of sin rebellion and human weakness it has been replaced with a spirit of victory. I am a soldier in the Army of the living God and "Greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world" with him to enpower me I will march to the gates of hell and I WILL shake them. - Let me become less so that he may become more - Ferris
I could start this in such a way as to bore all of you to utter exhaustion and thereby kill all readerhip I might have, but I think I've just done that. What I decided to write today is not what I thought I was gonna post. I will do a post later about truth in places that we may not always expect or be looking. Anyways if I haven't ever made this clear to my readers or myself(since I originally began bloggin as a way to kind of examine my own thoughts and will keep treating it as such) I am a born again Christian!. I am a completely fallen sinner who is saved by grace, I have had my heart replaced with a new clean heart and I battle against the traitor of my old nature constantly and only through Jesus' help do I overcome. I believe that the Bible is the infallible written Word of God and that everything in it is completely true and factual as is it written in its original languages. I believe that the history it presents is completely accurate. So anyways this is not a complete statement of my Faith if you want one write me a comment and I'll either post it eventually or I'll send you one as a comment or a email. I'm going to tell you about how I got to where I am today as a Christian. I was born Matthew Wayne Wilson in June 1983 to a young couple in Longview, TX. He was promptly baptised Catholic by his grandfather. The father was fresh out of Texas Tech University with a degree in Chemical engineering and was rising through the ranks as a junior engineer at Eastman Chemical Co. The mother was a teacher at the local high school near their home. They raised their boy well he had plenty of time outside and the drive to grow up quicker. At the age of 4 or 5 his father talked him through the process of being saved and shortly thereafter he was baptised again. Here is about where I start remembering things for myself. I spent the next few year in school but focused on the summers and in the early spring of my first grade year I started running with my dad and ran my first road race in late march of that year. All through this time however, I hated going to church, it was such a waste of time the singing wasn't so bad, but the pastors messages dragged on and on like the thing that wouldn't die. I hated being forced to sit and stay awake while he droned in big words. But I stayed awake and read my Bible instead of listened to keep my parents from "tanning my hide" when we got home. I spent much of time in church like that until I got to sixth grade. There are a host of reasons leading up to this point some of them important but most are a part of the "How I got to the mental state I am currently in namely Half-nuts" story and I'll get to that in a later blog. Sixth grade is the first year of Youth Group at my church. It was at the time run by two families the Iwans and the Darbys. The Darbys handling junior high and the Iwans handling high school. At the time I was surrounded my people who I did not consider my friends and the only reason that I kept going to youth group after the first few nights was that once again my parents made me, although at times there was much fun to be had and the forcing was more like helping me get there faster. The big part of youth group is simply that it got me to go to Youth Camp. I loved youth camp it was like a constant adventure, girls from all across the country that knew nothing about me I could be what I always wanted to be I could be smooth and friendly and have crushes on girls that wouldn't immeadiately laugh at me or just call me an immature little jerk and walk off. (Once again backstory will be filed later) So I loved youth camp I got names and addresses and phone numbers for girls that liked me for who I was even if at the time it wasn't really who I was. I spent the first 3 years at camp like this completely ignoring the messages sitting away from the youth group at the very back and sleeping through the services. Time and again through those years God called and I plugged my ears and ignored. But thank God in heaven above that he doesn't let people slip thorugh his will. Even if he has to resort to sneaking a bit. The third year I was at camp on the first night I was at my usual place, three rows from the back in the middle of the left section of seats(the least inhabited partt of the auditorium) and I noticed this girl staring back at me during the P&W(praise and worship) and after about one song of me still sitting there silently she got up and plopped down next to me and said "Why aren't you singing?" what happened that week is in hindsight quite possibly the biggest intervention or maybe not biggest but definitely the most visible intervention God made in my life. She was the daughter of the two back-up singers on the praise team and was horrified that I would be sitting during her parents performance. Through much berating and the fact that a female was actually paying attention to me for longer than 2 seconds of her own free-will I was coaxed to stand up and sing and behold (I liked singing). It was not much else that week most of my time I spent with Katie when I wasn't playing the games or eating. Everyone teased me but I had a girl to impress during services so I didn't care. The week ended and I kept in touch with Katie but not much else happend for the rest of the year. That was my eighth grade year(the timing here will be importnat) My ninth grade year I homeschooled and basically didn't ahve the discipline to do my work at home so as punishment I was going to be sent to public school come 10th grade. So the summer after my ninth grade year I was more out of touch with my youth group than ever before and due to a conflict with my Boy Scouting summer camp I was forced to go to YFN(Youth for the Nations "camp") alone. My Great Aunt Doris drove me and after registration I sent her home with the assurances that I was okay. I was on the greatest adventure ever I was almost 150 miles from home all by myself at Youth Camp! I got assigned that year to a group from Las Vegas, NV who had an open space in their room. As I walked up to my room for the week there was this HUGE black guy in there with a couple of other guys my age. As soon as they figured out who I was they quickly helped me put my stuff in the room and then invited them to go to the McDonalds. This decison changed the course of my life forever. I said yes and as a group we walked down the road and met the girls from Las Vegas. This group would be instrumental in turning a boy who hated listening to talk about God to a young man who desires everyday to be more like his Savior and wants everyone else to know the Savior too. end pt.1
Hey Guys, Time for blogging is this weekend, maybe later today after I get my laundry finished. I've got some observations and maybe finally get y'all that bigger blog I promised back in December. Once again be paitient the blogs are coming. Coming from just a little behind on my morning - Ferris :D
Hey Guys! Due to the morons at Tblog messing with a good thing again I have lost all of my old blog color settings. Therefore I ahve changed my blog color scheme if this is hard to read or unpleasant please let me know in a comment or in the flooble chatter box. I want people to be able to read my blogs and not have to struggle! Coming from a wierd world of greens, greys and blacks - Ferris!! :D
:? Back to the grind my friends. I got into Lubbock yesterday at about 12:30pm and have been up to no good ever since. Trying to get ready for school (it starts tommorrow! :cry: :shock:) and trying to get some sleep in before I sleep in classes. Updates will be infrequent for a little while, at least I'm back to school but my computer is still dead so I'll be updating when I can get internet access and enough time to bang out some information. Hope this finds you all in good spirits and in good health. I have a really cool topic for a blog here in a couple of days So stay tuned! Ferris will be back in just a minute(or just a few days :wink: ) God Bless! Coming from my psuedo dorm room once again - Ferris :D
Hey y'all blogs will return on the 12th. I'm working this week and don't have any internet time to write. SO have a safe and fun week and God Bless!!! Coming from my work computer - Ferris :D
:D This is the first post of the year 2004 on falcontch's blog! :D W00T!!! I love New Years something about them jsut seems fresh and clean a whole new year to enjoy, grow in relationships with friends family and God. Endless opportunites strecth before me and endless chances to redeem my past mistakes. God Bless you all and may your year be full of great opportunites and joy! Coming from 2004 - Ferris
