Allright I know for a fact that this blog is gonna cause drama cause whenever this blog gets serious it causes drama. I can think of one person who has been bugging me to write this and one person (morning workout buddy) who will be a bit hurt that I didn't mention this to him, but trust me I did it for good reason. Allright during the last weeks while the school stuff and riding horses were going on was Leadership selection time for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship on Texas Tech campus. To make things absolutely clear I've been on leadership for a school year and I have more or less loved every minute of it. They assigned me to the E-team. The e-team plans all non-small group events. Large group, Friday Night Fun, big events, retreats(when we have em). Its a team that has ranged between 4 and 6 people and I'd say that my experiences have forced me to grow. The first semester I was on a team with 4 other people who thought completely different from me. None were engineering minded people and therefore we were on seperate wavelengths and at times the meetings DRAGGED on much to my chagrin. However, they were productive and except for a few equipment malfunctions during the course of the semester the events went smoothly and the NSO events were a blast. The spring semester was a different animal the two other guys on the team were leaving and were replaced by two girls. So I became the only guy voice for planning on the e-team. This however was not as bad as it might sound. Because of the semester before had taught me how to go aobut speaking to people who think much differently than I in a much better fashion I was able function on the same level. Basically I spent meetings thinking about ideas for events depending on what we were planning (both fall and spring). If I had an idea I would say it quietly and then if I felt it was really good would carefully push to get it accepted. So I kept my mouth shut until I had something to add. Which works well for both situations, you can't get yourself in trouble if you say nothing flippantly and when you do speak you get listened to. So overall I felt that my time on the e-team was very productive and caused me to grow as a person or at least in a bit of wisdom about group dynamics. So onto the purpose of this blog. I went into the leadership interview and I tried to make it as clear as possible that I wanted to be on the e-team again very badly. I also did not want to be a small group leader. My reasoning is that I ahve done small group leading before and while I was generally effective I neither enjoyed it nor was very good at it. So I know for a fact that there are people in IV that can better serve in that position, but its not something I would be unable to do. So before the interview you fill out a questionaire about 4 pages long of things about your year on leadership and what you would like to see happen next year. Sometimes it can be quite difficult for me to quantify in words what the answers to some of these questions are, but I struggled through and put a lot of effort into the sections of what I would like to see next year, including an idea or two for the NSO(New Student Outreach) and the idea that an IVCF disciplship group could be an incredible force for evangelizing on campus. However, during the interview I found out that apparently they only read the sections that I ahve the most trouble answering(which is probably another engineer/non-engineer mindset thing). So during the interview I got no questions about what I felt the most strongly about which was where I wanted the fellowship to go. So after the interview and questionaire the "leadership selection team" who goes unnamed so I can't go talk to them about things spends a few weeks going over everything and then has an "exit interview" and tells you your position for the next year. I went in expecting that over my objections they would make me small group leader and not e-team member instead I get niether. It turns out that the fellowship has been shrinking for the last few years or so and there weren't many people signed up for leadership this year. So in consequence a position known as "core member" was cut. A core member was the lowest on the totem pole of leadership, jsut there to help the small group leader organize things and bring food and to show up to leadership meetings. There was also usually a co-leader for a small group. I was informed that I would be placed in a "new" position for next fall. I would be a small group leaders assitant. This postition would be the duties of a core member plus leading a small group late in the semester after I'd "had a chance to watch the leader some". Needless to say I'm still hurt and a bit angry at this assignment. I feel like I've been slapped in the face. I worked hard and showed good fruit for a year on a position that I enjoyed and instead of getting rewarded for my efforts and dedication I'm instead relegated to non-leadership position. Rec Week will be coming up right after finals and during the week I will have to undergo small group leader training. Normally this would mean I would be leading a small group, but instead some of the NEW people on leadership will be leading a small group with jsut this training where as I will be "watching" so I will know how to do it. Its like first being told that you did a bad job in the position we had you in so we're going to demote you. Then since we apparently don't respect your intelligence or abilities we'll make sure to humiliate you by making you "watch" to make sure you can do it. Like I said earlier it feels like a slap in the face. I've spent the last week and half or so mulling this over. Trying to decide if I even want to accept the position. For the first time in a year and half on Intervarsity I've debated leaving the group entirely. I've got plenty of good reasons, I'm a triple major and after 3 years of easy classes I'll be breaking into the upper level engineering classes next semester as well as taking 19 hours. My health is not all that good and the stress of a group like IV is significant and I could even gain back a weekend or two from retreats. These are all valid reasons and to top them off apparently what I've suspected for the last few months is true. Many of the people on leadership either don't respect me or don't trust me. I could name a few names that I'm sure would raise some eyebrows among my readership and I'm tempted to for the simple fact that one person in particular raises my temper jsut by being around, but I'm gonna be nice and hold my tongue off of her as a subject. In summary I don't know what I'm going to do about this. I feel hurt, disrespected and this is the sort of situation where I normally just decide that God is pushing me in another direction. There is an idea that has been growing on my heart for the last semester or so I could quit IVCF and focus on that idea. But on the other hand there are few people in this group that I really enjoy the company of, but there are several groups who I had to give up hanging with because leadership took so much of my time. There is another problem. They mentioned this 6 hour commitment. They want everyone on leadership to spend at least 6 hours with people from their small group outside of SG itself. This is a fine goal for those who live in the dorms and their nearest small-group member is two doors down, but I live off campus. The time commitment is truly staggering as well with the 6 hour commitment I would spend almost 12 hours at IV stuff every week. That would bring my total commitment for school plus IV to 31 hours a week, plus a minimum of two hours per hour of class each week brings me to 69 hours a week. Plus working on saturday to cover the tution hike brings me to 77 hours of committment per week. I don't mind spending that much time with people every week but when you start looking on how to work that into a schedule problems with the Noble idea become very apparent. Once again people who have no idea what studying is really like making time commitments for others. I'm sounding bitter right now and its because I am in three years at school I ahve people complaing to me about studying to much or not hanging out enough and its really starting to get old. If I hear one more business major complain about having to study two hours for a test I'll probably kill him/her. Anyways I ranted I'm sorry, but this blog was about me really feeling shafted by my assignment on leadership this year and trying to work out just what to do about it. This blog was the first step, because after two weeks of thinking I'm sure the leadership people thought everything was fine with the new posts and this will upset some of them greatly I"m sure, but I feel like I had to say something now or else I would jsut spend next year suffering in a useless position having little to no effect on anyone spiritually and not growing as a leader or a person at all. I offered to serve willingly and I'll stand by that, but I still feel that this position is not what I want to spend two semesters doing. I'll leave this open for comments now and Lord help me because I know their gonna come. Coming from the dissapointed and hurt side of a seemingly inefficient process - Ferris
Yeah I'm posting an excuse. :oops: I'd apologize profusely but I jsut got back from the IVCF picnic and watching Kill Bill vol1 at a friends house....its now 1 am and I'm still getting up early cause there is a lot to do before the end of the year. Therefore, after 10am tommorrow I will post pt.3 of Catching Up. This one will probably cause some controversy and a few headaches during the next few weeks but then again I'll ahve to address this issue sooner or later and knowing me...I prefer sooner. God Bless y'all! sleep well! coming from a very nice day and a a NEW TFRIEND - Ferris (RedTigress is awesome) :D 8)
Allright here we go onto phase 2 of the Ferris is a month behind blogs. This one is obviously about trips and unfortunately much shorter than the first or third....This is a nifty thing. It happened jsut this weekend. Once again with the two Chinese exchange students whom I' mentioned in the blog on 4-13-04. During the trip it came up that Min had never ridden a horse and desperately wanted too. So after talking to my mother about it and her calling my aunt and talking to my uncle, we set it up. My uncle is a rancher with the Brown family farm (Sammy Brown). They have a feed-yard about on level with Amarillo and about six miles east of the New Mexico border. So he agreed to let us on one of the horses this last weekend. So after schedule wrangling with Yuk and Min and myself, (they had stuff on Friday I had stuff on Sunday) we decided to go to up to the farm (1.75 hours driving) on saturday morning and come back saturday night(1.75 hours driving). So we left my room about 8am went to get breakfast and then headed out. We got to Aunt tricia's house around 11:30 and hung out until Sammy got back, ate an Excellent lunch and then I grabbed a farm truck and headed out to the feed yard with two very excited Chinese girls in the seats next to me. On a side note I was really excited about it as well because I've not ridden a horse since I was 6 years old at summer camp and that time I got bucked off of a very large mean horse (and I'm not kidding ask the camp director) and I've been anxious to prove that the Indian blood in me does have some affect on my riding skills :D. So we got out to the feed barn and Sammy took a break from shoveling cow crap (also something that I have done before....same place too) to teach me how to saddle the horse and then opened up the alley in the stockyard to make about a quartermile long runway and went back to shovelling, and being the cool guy I am I rode down the alleyway first and got a general feel for the horse and the turned him around and as soon as I did the horse decided he wanted to run.....thats an interesting experience in a small saddle and not having ridden in 14 years...ulp.:shock: I survived and helped the two girls ride and then took another little jaunt up and down the alley much faster this time and after the girls rode again the horse turned around and went right back to the stable and refused to come back out. He decided that he had had enough of unskilled morons riding him. So we let him rest took some pictures and then helped Sammy clean up the rest of the barn and then jsut sat and tlaked about things in complete silence. Its amazing how much noise is all around us all the time and it takes driving 2 hours to reach a quiet place to jsut sit and think and talk with friends. :) It was quite possibly the most relaxing two hours I've spent in a long time. Went and got some horse feed and fed the horses before we left and then went back to Tricia's hung out and ate dinner while we waited for my cousin Sarah to get back so we watched the end of Trading Spaces with her hugged her a lot(she's the coolest cousin I have:D) and then took off. Got back into town with a camera full of awesome pictures and some great memories. Its so easy to bring Jesus into conversations with them because they are so open. It makes me wonder just where along the way Americans got so cynical and hard. It was a blast and now two days later I'm still ridiculously sore, my rear in particular.:oops: Saddlesore takes on a completely new meaning when you actually are saddle sore. I'm excited I've still got a small list of thigns to do with these two girls before they go back and I want to make sure I take every opportunity to witness I can.:D Then I leave it up to God, cause I can't change a persons heart....thats something only God can do. All I can do is plant seeds and pray hard. For all of you out there who would pray for Yuk and Min that they would be saved and that they would be powerful witnesses when they go back to China. Coming from a very sore seat and the end of pt.2 - Ferris! :D
Allright first things first. This is my first blog in close to a month.:oops: I feel terrible about not having done thins in so long. Not only is this a way that many people find out whats going on with me, but its also the way I deal with stress and trust me this last month has been marked with plenty of stress. :? So this blog and the two others I will post today are intended to bring everyone back up to speed as well as deal with some things on my mind. At least one of which will cause drama I'm sure, but if not thats great too. The semester is almost over and I will be spending the semester at home working for my father and if I have my way I won't work less than 60 hours a week for the entire summer. Texas Tech decided once again that instead of thinking things through logically that they should just follow whatever the other two schools in Texas did and raised tution by almost fifty percent, coupled with the loss of a scholarship thanks to a professor last semester which I may ahve mentioned before is putting me in a pretty big hole come this fall. If I work all summer and sock away 5200 dollars (which is 60 hours a week plus the overtime) I'll be able to pay my tuition and fees for next semester plus a little extra.:evil: Yeah its gonna be that expensive. Anywhoo this particular part is about school. Since I last posted right after easter break I've had who knows how many tests, a project another trip and as of today the LAST DAY OF CLASSES :D (this semester) The tests have gone anywhere from AWESOME to "oh my gosh that blew goats"....The goat blowing one was once again the Biochem2 test it brought my average to a 54 and I was beginning to doubt myself, the test grades plus family and a few friends I was beginning to think that maybe I wasn't so good at biology and chemistry as I thought.:? Lemee tell you that doubting who you think you are is a scary place to be.:cry: The fluid mechanics test went well and even though I didn't get any points back my average is still an A which I don't think ahs been the case at all since I got to college and the reasons behind that must wait for another blog another day. The last on the tests was the American Chemical Society Biochemistry Test this test was important because so many people in my biochem2 class failed the first test that the teacher offered this instead of a curve. Whatever you got on the ACS test could substitute for your semester grade, but the catch is that the test covered all three semesters of Biochem not jsut the second. So after three horrible tests I obviously opted to take it, it can't hurt me because if we get a lower grade on the ACS she won't count it against you. So I took it thursday night and walked out of the test KNOWING that I had aced it. I walked in a few minuutes late cause I forgot my scantron and very carefully began taking the test I was worried through the first 7 questions they weren't so hard but two of them were the type that I leave till the end of the exam to see if the answer is later in the exam.(bad sign so early in the test). but after that point it was like smooth sailing. I was praying hard and so were several other people that I would remember the material I studied for so many days. It was like God just said "You watch. You're expecting me to help you remember what you studied huh? How about this? To show you that I love you and haven't forgotten about you I'm gonna write the test for YOU. I was paying attention and knew you were gonna need this test so two years ago when they wrote this test They weren't writing...I was. Now Ace it and give me the Glory. Good job son." It was like a dream I kept loking around to see if it was a joke to see if someone was gonna jump out laugh at me and go "Oops! You picked up the joke test! Here's the real one....Hope you like F's".....instead the questions just got easier and easier. I have no problem giving God the glory because if he hadn't been there and written that test I would've failed miserably.:D I've not felt His prescence so strongly in a long time it felt like he was just sitting behind me and smiling. For those of you who aren't Christians you won't know what I'm talking about but for those of you who are you shoudl recognize what I mean even if I can't get it into words. I did indeed ACE the test.:D I got the grade back from my professor the next day and the stoic little asian lady actually smiled and congratulated me on my grade.:D8) To show my appreciation to her I went to class today even though with an A for my semester grade and not having to take the final8) I didn't have to. It may not sound like a big deal but its an 8am class and I'm always close to falling asleep in the class, but she smiled when she saw me, sometimes its something little like actually wanting to learn that makes friends...Anyways the last day of classes past unevenfully and I calculated best case scenario 3.76 GPA :D worst case 2.83 pretty big spread, but I don't know how bad a couple of classes are and there are two classes where if I really screw up on the finals I could end up with C's. I don't expect this to happen but thats why its worst case scenario. Those finals will be this coming friday and and a week from tommorrow. I think that does it for catching up on school stuff. I'll be checking out of the room here around the 19th or 20th and then heading home. At that point I'll be working all summer building a biodiesel plant(which is a story for another blog). God bless all! end pt1 school. Coming from the end of the Spring of 2004 - Ferris! :D
